Insignificant Hearts
by LukesDragon
Summary: Yamato and Kari have finally got together, but her parents want her to move away. How will Yamato cope if he loses the love of his life, not to mention the fact Tai has been acting strange around him lately...
1. Light in my Night

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"Insignificant Hearts" by Luke's Dragon

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Disclaimer

*Sigh* If I didn't write this would anyone really believe I owned Digimon? I suppose it's possible since some people are truly dense so I'd better say in big bold letters, **I don't own Digimon**. Nor do I own any of the song lyrics contained, which are, in the order they appear:

"A Winters Tale" by David Essex

"How You Remind Me" Nickelback

"Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" Patty Smyth

"If Tears Could Bring You Back" Sons of Midnight

"Yesterday Dreams" by Bonnie Tyler

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Author Notes

This is set a few months after my last fic "All I Ever Wanted" but it doesn't matter if you haven't read that, but if you did you'd know that Yamato and Kari are together, as are TK and Davis. Tai isn't with anyone yet but…no I'll not spoil it

The ages are Matt and Tai are both 18 and TK, Davis are 16 and Kari is 15. 

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Part I "Light in my Night"

The January snows seemed especially bitter this year, it had snowed for the past three days and showed no sign of letting up, the weathermen said it was the coldest winter for over forty years. The snow and bitter winds were not the only hazards for any brave souls walking the city streets, the roads, still usable were little more than rivers of slush or ice rinks so any cars that decided to make a journey would soak pedestrians with freezing cold mucky water. One such pedestrian walked the streets, lost in his own thoughts the winter night didn't seem so bad. He would have taken his car but had been told by his girlfriend that she didn't want to come to his funeral, so there was no way he was allowed to drive until the roads were better. Yamato Ishida quite liked the winter, especially because there seemed less people around in this weather, _sometimes it's good to be alone, I never thought I'd miss being alone, but sometimes it's nice just to have your own company. Anyway I'm sure Tai will want to be sociable when I see him._ Tai had recently left his parents house to move into his own apartment, he had pestered Yamato to move in with him ever since. _Tai twenty-four seven? No thank you._ Much as he liked his best friend, he could be a little too energetic for Yamato's sanity to take. Although Tai's new place was less than a ten-minute walk from Yamato's house he was glad of his leather jacket, it had been a Christmas present from Kari. _I wonder if it's to make me drive less, Kari's far more cunning than I'd have ever thought, still I wouldn't change a thing. _He frowned, _although I would be a little happier if she was six months older. _Although neither Kari, Tai or himself cared about the age gap some of their supposed friends had been disgusted about it. Although Yamato didn't care he knew it upset Kari, so after he and Tai had threatened a few people the comments had stopped. _They still stare and whisper though, I think that's probably worse._ He arrived at Tai's house, drier than he had expected, he knocked at the door only to be greeted by the smell of paint and loud cursing, then being told to come in.

Yamato smiled as he saw the ground zero that was Tai's new living room, plastic sheets had been inexpertly thrown across the room, however they seemed to have more paint on them than the walls or the ceiling, however not as much paint as was all over Tai. _Why did he want to decorate by himself? Even when we were kids he was hopeless at art._ Tai however seemed less concerned with the mess and grinned from ear to ear at his friend.

"It's starting to look really good isn't it?"

"Yeah _I'm such a liar _I'm impressed"

"Thanks, I wanted to do it by myself, to make it my house."

"…" _My favourite response when I can't think of anything to say. I know it annoys Kari though, she says I should be more open with my feelings._

"But you know Matt, it could be our house"

"Tai how many times are you going to try asking me"

"TK and Davis are moving in"

"I don't want to share a house with loves young dream" 

"Well then, wouldn't it be nice to not have to worry when you and Kari want to be alone"

"Do you want me and Kari to be alone, or alone with you?"

"Whatever, anyway I've told her and Kari thinks it's a great idea, so she'll make you say give in before long" _And I though Kari was sneaky, I see where she gets it from._

"You…I can't believe you…" _I leapt at Tai, throwing some mock punches at him, and wrestling him to the floor somehow I ended up looking into his eyes, he grinned that mischievous, Tai grin and rolled free._

"You know you'd enjoy living with me, you just put on the angsty front"

"Not all of us are naturally cheerful"

"You don't fool me Ishida, inside I know there's a sunny Yamato waiting to get out"

"There's no sunny Yamato" _Why would I want to be as cheerful as Tai? It's annoying._

"I've seen you be cheerful around Kari"

"That's different" _Anyway I'm cheerful sometimes, usually when I'm on my own and no-one notices. And he's right about Kari of course, but there's no way I'll admit it._

Tai set up an air freshener to try and combat the smell of paint. _Might as well try and stop this winter with a candle, this place seems to be paint fume heaven. _Tai and Matt watched the TV for a while, apparently it was going to snow for the next week at least.

"Are you still doing your gig tomorrow?"  
"I guess, if any of the others can make it, and if anyone turns up"

"Me and Kari will be there" _As I left I knew Tai was right he and Kari would always be there for me. He asked me again to move in with him, by this time I knew what my answer would be. But I'll make him wait a little longer._

"I'd like to finish by singing this song, for a very special lady" Although Yamato wasn't keen on love songs, he sung it well. As the final notes died down and the crowd cheered Yamato looked into the crowd, surely enough Tai and Kari were there. As was Davis who had only come to support TK, as Yamato had feared the snow had stopped the band's drummer from making an appearance, so TK had been drafted in to help out. 

After the gig had finished the five crammed into Yamato's car to make the journey home, Tai had said they could all stay over at his place for the night. Yamato suspected he wanted to show off his painting skills, but had managed to bite his tongue. _I guess with all of us around I'll not be able to spend anytime alone with Kari, that's a shame. Of course knowing Tai they'll be lots of beer so we might be able to get the others out of our way. _The roads were quiet, the late hour and bad weather put most drivers off venturing out and only a few taxis were seen. Yamato was glad, despite his protests to the contrary that he hated driving in the snow. If anything was to go wrong Kari and TK could get hurt, not to mention him and Tai, but thankfully the trip was without incident, _It'll be a relief when the snow melts and I won't have to worry so much._

Yamato was surprised to see that since yesterday evening Tai had cleaned the house up, and although it still smelt of paint the place was starting to look nice, although Tai seemed to have an attitude of random chaos in terms of organising the place.

"So, who wants beer?" Yamato declined however non-alcoholic choices were confined to tap water or milk, which knowing Tai would be several days old. _Do I really want to move in here? _Eventually he took a beer, promising himself not to drink too much.

"So was I a good replacement drummer?" _He knows that he is…hold on, he's really asking for Davis' opinions not mine. I'm getting good at this sensitive stuff._ Sure enough Davis had responded that TK was a great drummer, and the two were now lost in each other's throats. Despite the fact that he loved Kari, Yamato could never bring himself to be so intimate even with his best friends around.

"Hey Tai, do you ever wish you had someone like that?"

"You mean someone to dive down the throat of for saying I was a good drummer?"  
"You know what I mean" _In all the time I'd know Tai I'd never even heard him talk about wanting any sort of relationship with anyone at all. I'd often wondered why._

"Maybe, but I'd want something like you and Kari have got"

"Have you got anyone in mind?"

"Yes, but it wouldn't work out right now" _Ah, so there is someone, but I'd better not press it just yet._

"Matt, could we go somewhere, I want to talk" _Kari, I forgot she said something about having something important to talk to me about. Strange she wants us to go some place private though. _Yamato and Kari went to the spare bedroom which seemed to also double as a storeroom.

"So, what's up?"

"I've got some bad news"

"What sort of bad news?"

"In a week my father starts a new job on the other side of the country"

"Oh, well I guess you'll be able to see him when he comes back for weekends and stuff"

"Or when he gets back from work, because I've got to go too"

"What? But that means we'll hardly ever be able to see each other"

"I know" 

"Couldn't you stay with Tai?" _Maybe this is all a bad dream; maybe I'll wake up. No those are real tears in her eyes, and this pain is real, this can't be a dream, even the worst ones don't hurt like this, and there's nothing I can do._

"No, that's why he moved out, because he wouldn't come with us"

"Is there nothing we can do?" _No, this can't be the end, not just yet. Please, don't let it be the end_

"I wish there was" Kari couldn't hold back her tears any longer, and although Yamato wanted to be strong he too cried as he held her in his arms. _Two weeks, In two weeks she'll be out of my life. I've got to find a way to keep her with me. I can't loose her. I won't loose her. I'll find a way Kari. I promise. _Before long they fell asleep in each other's arms. Tai came in later and put a quilt over them, so they didn't feel the cold.

"It's the least I can do" he reflected to himself. 


	2. Light of Dawm

Part II "Light of Dawn"

That night Yamato dreamt vividly, he dreamt of seven years ago when the Digi-Destined had been fighting Myotismon and he had been protecting Kari. He dreamt of the time Phantomon and his minions had cornered them, and he had been unable to protect Kari. He remembered the pain in his heart as she had been taken away, the feeling of uselessness as neither him nor his Digimon could protect her, even after he had sworn that he would. It was a memory that had stayed with him, even when he and Kari had not been together, the fact that he couldn't protect her had always stayed with him. _Not this time, I was just a little kid back then, now I'm stronger and I can take care of Kari, this time, I'll protect you. _In his dream he called to Gabumon and chased after the fleeing Digimon. They rounded a corner but this time they were outside Kari's house, and there was no Myotismon, but there was Kari's parents standing there. _I should have known, but it doesn't matter who it is, I won't let anyone hurt Kari._

"Gabumon, Digivolve!"

"Gabumon warp Digivolve to MetalGarurumon!" 

"You know what to do"

"Metal Wolf Claw!"

MetalGarurumon's attack landed and the two shadowy figures disappeared, Yamato ran over to Kari and held her tight. _I don't know what I can do, but I won't fail you this time Kari. I Promise._

He awoke in a cold sweat, despite the chill outside. _What a strange dream. I know Kari's parents they're not bad people, if I talk to them I'm sure they'll see sense. Yeah right they'll really let their fifteen year old daughter stay with her boyfriend. I wish I could get MetalGarurumon to help me out, but this battle I'll have to face on my own._

He glanced at his watch it read quarter past three, getting up carefully so as not to wake Kari he crept towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. He sat down and drunk, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Tai until he was tapped on the shoulder.

"Hey, what are you still doing up Yamato?"

"Thinking" 

"Kari told you then?" it wasn't really a question.

"Did you know?"

"Yes, but Kari wanted to tell you herself, for what it's worth I'm sorry"

"…" _There just didn't seem to be any words to say_

"If it makes you feel any better you can have a beer"

"No, I'd only end up getting totally drunk if I started"

"Maybe it's what you need"

"…" _No getting drunk wouldn't help, I'd feel better tonight, but in the morning it'd be the same, only I'd have a hangover to make me feel even worse._

"Or maybe you just need a friend to be there for you" Tai put his arm around Yamato's shoulder and the two just sat in the silence, each occupied with their own thoughts. 

__

I haven't even asked Tai what he's feeling, his whole family is leaving him, and I was doing so well at being sensitive as well.

"Tai what about you, I mean your family is leaving, are you alright about it?"

"I don't care, they can go where ever they want" _Hey! There's no need to snap at me_

"Sorry I spoke!"

"No Matt, I'm sorry it's not your fault. It's just I'm so angry about they way they just chucked me out, and how they're treating Kari."

"Apology accepted, we don't want to argue, especially since I'm moving in"  
"Really, you're really, really moving in?"

"Yes" _Man he's even more hyper than usual._

"That's great, I didn't want to be all alone"  
"Hey I'm here, you'll never be alone" _It happened so quickly Tai kissed me, right on the lips, I didn't have time to think and kissed him back, then my mind started working again and I realised what I was doing. I pulled away ignoring all the words he said and ran out of the house. _The early morning was freezing but Yamato didn't notice confused he ran through the street, he didn't notice the road, or the car coming towards him. He didn't even feel anything when it hit him and he was knocked off his feet. He didn't even notice the blood trickling from his mouth into the fresh morning snow.

__

The nights are colder now, maybe I should close the door  
and anyway the snow has covered all your footsteps and I can follow you no more

The fire still burns at night my memories still warm and clear.

But everybody knows it's hard to be alone at this time of year

It was only a winter's tale, just another winter's tale

And why should the world take notice of one more love that's failed?

A love that could never be; though it meant a lot to you and me.

On a world-wide scale we're just another winters tale


	3. Light of Day

Part III "Light of Day"

Tai sunk down into his chair unaware of Yamato's fate. He could hardly believe his own stupidity, why had he ever kissed Yamato? He had been crazy about his friend for so long but had never done anything about it but now he had everything was ruined. The way Yamato had ran told him his feelings were not going to be returned. Now it looked as though he had lost his best friend, his housemate and his potential boyfriend all in one fell swoop. He had briefly considered following him but it was probably better to leave him alone, sometimes, in fact most of the time Yamato needed to be alone. "Problem is" he told himself "I don't". He returned to his room and fell into a dreamless sleep, thankful that at least he had a few hours respite from thoughts of Yamato.

Kari woke up early with the memories of a bad dream. She was unable to clearly remember what it had been about, but it had involved Yamato, he had been hurt trying to protect her, but from what, she could not recall. It was a little disturbing when she saw that Yamato was not next to her. When she could not find him anywhere she started to feel worried, but told herself not to worry, that it was only a dream, and that Yamato would be back soon, he had probably gone out to get some food. Yes that had to be it, all Tai had was some stale bread and lots of beer, he'd probably gone out to buy some breakfast. When twenty minutes later TK and Davis came back with breakfast Kari started to worry. 

__

Am I dead, or is this another dream? All Yamato could see was a brilliant white light, and happily he did not hurt which seemed to be an improvement on a few moments ago when the whole world seemed to hurt. As his vision cleared he found himself seeing more white, but this was the white of snow, and the stench of an alleyway, _did I mange to drag myself here? I'm glad no one called an ambulance, I really don't want to go to a hospital. _Yamato managed to stand up, and once again he hurt every single part of his body was telling him it was not happy about recent events. He groaned to himself as the events of last night came back to him, it really did seem as if the whole world was against him lately. Firstly Kari was leaving him, but he might be able to do something, no he would do something, although what was still a mystery, and then there was Tai. _Well with any luck it was just the beer or his emotions, and if it wasn't well it didn't feel too bad…No what am I saying? I'm with Kari, I could have been killed but I've been given another chance, I'm not going to blow it._ Slowly and painfully Yamato made his way back to Tai's and he supposed, his house leaving a pool of frozen blood in the alley as the only mark of where he had been.

Kari leapt into his arms as he walked in; it took all of his self-control not to cry out as she hugged his injured chest. _Does she know about Tai? No he wouldn't have said anything; in fact it's not midday yet so he'll not be up, but whatever's up she seems happy to see me._

"Matt, I had a really bad dream and then you weren't here and I was worried"

"Sorry, I just needed some time to think" _It's true at least, I couldn't lie to her_

"Well you're just in time, TK's cooked breakfast" _TK's as good at cooking as Tai is at decorating and I am at soccer, this should be interesting. _Yamato was disappointed to see that it actually looked really good, _Davis, it's bound to be him. It's good that him and TK are together, I don't think it's healthy to eat charred remains for every meal._

"Hey TK, I never knew you could cook" _Might as well wind him up a little anyway_

"Yeah, I'm a great chef!" TK shot what he thought was a sneaky look at Davis

"I'd have sworn Davis cooked it, if I didn't know my little brother would never lie to me" Yamato smiled as TK turned red, _mission accomplished!_ Yamato wished his other missions for the day would be so easy, or involve bacon sandwiches.

Yamato was pleased that Tai was still asleep when he and Kari had finished breakfast, they were going to try and talk to Kari's parents and he really couldn't face the idea of talking to Tai as well, although it was going to have to happen sooner or later. _I'd rather it be later. _Yamato was not surprised to see that the weather was still dreadful, but he and Kari had decided to take his car anyway, he was glad since he still hurt from his accident earlier. It was preying on his mind that he couldn't really remember much about the incident, and the speed he was hit at would have seemed to cause far more damage than it had. _The very last thing I need is any internal injuries, if this goes wrong I don't want to spend my last few days laid up in hospital. _Kari's parents lived in a large house in the richer side of town, Yamato noticed with regret the 'Sold' sign in the garden. Yamato was fortunate that he got on well with the Kamiya's they had known him since he was young and he felt happy that they trusted him, but this was going to be difficult, still he had to try. 

"So you want Kari to stay with you and Taichi?" _Taichi? He must really be in the bad books, and he didn't tell me why they had fallen out._

"Yes, me and Tai would both miss Kari if she left, and we'd take good care of her"

"You'd be living at Taichi's apartment?"

"Yes, I'm moving in there too"

"It's not that we don't trust you Yamato, in fact we think of you as a son, but we just feel Kari's too young to be left with two teenagers"

"But, all my friends are here, and my schooling would suffer if I move so close to my exams, it would affect my grades". _Thank Goodness Kari came up with that, 'It'll affect my grades' has been our trump card for as long as I can remember once again her parents' obsession with grades worked to our advantage._

"Well that is a good point, we shall have to give it serious consideration" Yamato left Kari with her parents, he still had things to do today, for a start move his stuff into his new home, and then talk to Tai. He was pleased at how things had gone, if they could hold Kari's move off until the summer then she would be sixteen, meaning she would have the freedom to do as she wished. _Even if it fails, it'll only be until the summer, I'm sure I can go without Kari for a few months, even if I will spend a fortune on phone calls. _Yamato didn't have any trouble persuading his father that moving out was for the best, the two hardly ever saw each other with his fathers' new job keeping him out until late most nights anyway. His father told him that he was proud that his son was making his own way in life and wished him luck. Yamato looked back with a tear in his eye, this was really it he was growing up and about to face life on his own. _Well apart from TK, Kari, Davis and Tai. Still I guess I can be on my own with other people around, I'm really good at that._


	4. Twilight Dreams

Part IV "Twilight Dreams"

#_A love that could never be; though it meant a lot to you and me. On a world-wide scale we're just another winters tale #_

Tai switched off the radio; the last thing he needed now was some sentimental song about lost love, especially one that Yamato had sung. He looked around at the debris that was his kitchen. Since waking up and finding Yamato gone he had drunk every thing he could find which, according to his slightly hazy reckoning was quarter of a bottle of vodka, about the same amount again of whiskey and six bottles of beer, he sighed and finished off number seven. For some reason, probably the beer he told himself he had also eaten Yamato's mince pies; Tai hated mince pies but had eaten them anyway. _Please tell me I didn't do it just because he likes them. It must be the beer._

Why had his self control let him down now of all times, he punched the table hard, being rewarded with a sore fist for his efforts, he swore loudly into the night. He had been in love with Yamato for as long as he could remember knowing him, but had never told him or even thought about seriously doing anything about it. Now he had and looked as though he was going to lose his best friend over it. _I seem to be losing everyone lately, first Kari, then Matt too, my two best friends gone_. He grabbed the last beer and opened it. Then there was the problem of his parents; they had reacted far worse than he had imagined. _Seems harsh throwing me out because of who I choose to sleep with. I can't believe it, I thought parents were meant to stand by you no matter what. Although I thought the same was true of best mates._ Tai hadn't even told Kari why he had left home so suddenly, and didn't really want to, it was one of the only two things he had ever kept secret from her. Tai looked at his rapidly decreasing beer, wishing he had some more, what was it Yamato had said? "It'll make you feel better now but you'll feel worse tomorrow" or something like that. _Guess I just want to feel better now, stupid Matt always being so smart! What does he know about being hurt? _Tai finished his beer and curled up to sleep on the floor, still angry and drunk he began to dream.

Tai did not dream often, but now he stood on a beach in a storm, not a snowstorm like the one tearing up the outside, but one of rain and wind, even in his dream he felt cold. He stood looking out over the sea until Matt joined him. The two stood in silences, Tai noticed he was dressed all in black, Tai had always though that colour suited him. _Although that black he's wearing isn't really a colour, more a lack of any_. Tai turned to say something, he'd always been bothered by silences, especially when he knew there was things he really needed to say. Matt was no longer there; there were not even any footprints in the wet sand. "Do you hate me so much Matt?" he whispered to the stormy sky, but his words went unanswered apart from the crash of waves on the beach. Tai walked from the beach onto the deserted promenade. When he was little the family had always gone on holidays to the coast, he had always loved all the people, the lights, and the life. But this place was just shades of grey and shadows. The only illumination was the flashes of lightning across the sea. Tai stood for a moment lost in his own despair, his world was crashing down around him, the love of his life didn't want to know him and his beloved sister was leaving him. Perhaps this was the best place for him, a dead town surrounded by shadows and long forgotten happy memories. He called out for an answer but neither the storm sky nor the raging sea seemed to offer any consolation to him. As Tai continued to walk onwards with the twilight fading to black, he didn't look behind him to see the lighthouse, shining a black beam across the sea. He probably wouldn't have understood what it meant anyway.

Yamato was trying to organise his new room at this point, he had asked TK to help him, but his younger sibling had brought Davis, which meant he was less than useful. Currently the two lovers had gone to get something to eat, leaving Yamato struggling with his bookshelf; he nearly dropped it on his foot when he heard TK cry out his name.

"MATT!" TK's cry sounded frightened, so Yamato raced out to find TK and Davis kneeling over Tai's prone body

"We can't wake him up!" Davis seemed panicked too, but Yamato had seen the empty bottles on the table, the smell of alcohol on Tai reassured him that the worse that was going to happen was a bad hangover when he woke up. _Or perhaps a blooded nose, frightening TK like that! Damn idiot the second anything goes wrong he hits the booze. _

"Don't worry guys, he's just drunk. Again." The three carried Tai to his bed despite Yamato's argument he should be left on the floor. _The problem is, _he told himself, _he must really care about me if he's got so drunk, which is going to make things even harder. And he ate my mince pies; I was looking forwards to them. We're going to have to have a serious talk when he comes to._

In a more surreal part of his dream Tai was rescued from a rampaging mince pie armed with a bottle of beer by Yamato picking him up and putting him safely in bed. Tai smiled in his sleep as Yamato got into the bed too.


	5. Light of Battle

Part V "Light of Battle" 

Tai was still asleep when Yamato awoke the next morning, but there was no time to worry about that, the Kamiya's had asked him to come around for lunch, he was hopeful that they would say Kari could stay with him. _Although lunch is bound to be fish, I'm sure they know I can't stand fish, I only eat it to be polite. _The weather seemed to be improving as Yamato got into his car to make the journey, although the snows still made the city look like a greeting card scene no new snow had fallen. Yamato was going to be disappointed when the thaw came, he liked the snows but in a few days they would be gone, and the spring would begin. The thought depressed him all the way to his destination, however Kari's expression when she opened the door told him that melting snows were going to be the least of his worries.

"Matt…" Kari had been crying, but she looked as though she was trying to hide it, Yamato was quick enough to realise that there was nothing he could say

"…" They walked in and as requested took a seat at the big table

"Yamato, we have both considered what you said yesterday, but our answer must be no"

"…" _No this is too important, I have to do something, I've tried being polite and respectful, but I guess that won't work. _Anger and hurt were in his words as he spoke.

"You can't do this I love Kari, Don't take her away, it's not fair!"

"It's not you Yamato, we trust you implicitly with Kari, but…"

"But what, if you know how much we mean to each other, then what's the problem?"

"Taichi" That was Kari, her voice broken by tears

"Tai, but why? He's your son, Kari brother, he'd do anything for her"

"Taichi, is a homosexual" _THAT'S IT? That's why they chucked him out, why they won't let Kari stay, this isn't right, I can't just sit here_

"So is my brother, and what does it matter anyway?"

"If you cannot see the problem then we misjudged you. Our decision remains, Kari will come with us, and if we have our way, she will not see Taichi ever again. If you do not watch your tongue young man, we shall impose the same rule on you" _The formalities, the heartlessness, the injustice, I can't sit here and do nothing, I carried the crest of friendship for a reason, I have to protect my friends._

"Then sir, I have only one thing to say"

"Yes?"

"Fuck you!" Yamato stood up and knocked Mr. Kamiya to the floor with one punch, he turned to leave, but then turned back again.

"Kari, come with me" She shook her head

"I can't Matt, please understand" Tears in his eyes as he walked out, Yamato took time to throw over the table, but even the sight of the fish prepared for dinner hitting the floor did little to soothe the rage or the hurt that he felt. He jumped in his car, turning the stereo up loud Yamato Ishida drove like a lunatic, to the place where he always went to think. With the radio blasting out, Yamato headed onwards. *_Never made it as a wise man. I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. Tired of living like a blind man I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling. And this is how you remind me This is how you remind me Of what I really am This is how you remind me Of what I really am_*

Elsewhere two figures were ducking behind a wall to escape the hail of snowballs aimed at them; hiding would have been made easier if one of the pair was not wearing a large, rather conspicuous hat.

"TK, take your hat off before they see us!"

"Don't worry, they're just a bunch of kids" TK lifted his head out of cover, only to be viscously attacked by a bombardment of snow. Rather foolishly Davis had challenged a group of kids to a snowball fight, there had just been three small children, and it had seemed fun. That was until more and more had appeared, meaning the two Digi-destined who had fought horrors unimaginable in the past, had to hide from a horde of small children, children with a vicious streak a mile wide.

"So then fearless leader, what now?" TK's usually saintly patience was wearing thin, their opponents had laser-guided accuracy and vastly superior tactics compared to Davis' plan of charge at them. Davis was also feeling less than cheerful, after one too many snowballs had hit his neck, however he had to save face, so opted to use a time honoured strategy, that had saved countless generals before.

"Run away!" The two turned tail and ran, TK noticed briefly that he seemed to be slipping on ice, before it cracked, and sent him into the freezing river he had briefly been walking on.

Yamato had jumped three red lights and nearly caused several pile ups on his was to the hospital, the call from Davis had snapped him out of his depression and caused him to race straight for the hospital. _Damn I'm an idiot; TK's nearly been killed and here am I wallowing in self-pity! Some brother I am! _He ran into the waiting room to find Davis sitting alone.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Kari's grounded and I couldn't find Tai"

"Grounded! But you did tell her what happened?"

"Of Course! But her dad wouldn't let her come" _I should have hit the jerk harder, I always thought they were such nice people but…Damn it Kari should be here._

"Yamato…don't punch the snack machine"

"Huh…oh sorry, I just…well you know"

"Yeah, I understand. I understand it's all my fault, if anything happens to TK it'll all be because of me." Davis held his head in his hands sat in silence. Yamato sat next to him, unsure of what he could say, but tried anyway.

"Davis, if you hadn't pulled him out as quickly as you did…" he couldn't go on, if Davis hadn't pulled TK out, if TK had…he couldn't even begin to think.

"Thanks, but I still blame myself." They sat and waited, _I've always hated hospitals, ever since I was little, there's just something about the places that creeps me out. Please be strong TK, if I was to lose you and Kari, I don't think I could go on. _Just then a nurse appeared and told them TK had come round and they could go and see him.

"TK, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault"

"It's not anyone's fault Davis, I should have been more careful. Anyway, I hear you're something of a hero" 

"…" TK smiled and pulled Davis' face down level with his, and kissed his cheek

"Thanks, Hero" Yamato couldn't help smiling at the blush that appeared on Davis' cheeks. He felt a huge sense of relief, even though TK was going to be weak for a few days; he was going to be all right. _If I'd have lost him too…_

"I'll leave you two to get ready, I'll wait in the car" As he walked out Yamato thought about winter. _It maybe scenic, but it seems such a lonely time, and one so brief. Tranquil but dangerous, it could almost describe me. _Yamato didn't even consider getting checked out while he was at the hospital, despite the fact his ribs still hurt like hell, _maybe if they did broken hearts I'd think about it._


	6. When Neither Love Nor Words Are Enough

Part VI "When Neither Love or Words are Enough"

Tai awoke late in the afternoon, as predicted with a world class hang over. He wondered briefly how he had found his way to bed and where the others were. Glancing at his clock he noticed it was late in the day, so the others would be back soon. Remembering the events of the past few days caused Tai to feel a sense of despair, he had first kissed Yamato, who had then ran away. _Perhaps I shouldn't have kissed him, but I'm still surprised at how he reacted, after all he doesn't care that TK's gay, so why should I be any different? _Tai's head hurt, and he felt sick, his response to Yamato's swift exit had been to drink all the alcohol he could find. _It didn't help; I still feel the same, only worse. _He decided the best thing for him to do would be to talk to Yamato, preferable with TK and Davis around, for backup, _and bodyguards too. _Tai's plan to make dinner was thwarted by the lack of food in the house, so he braved the weather and headed out to the shops for supplies. _But not beer, no more beer ever again. Well, until next time anyway._

Yamato's trip home was at a much more sensible pace than his trip to the hospital. This was mainly because of Davis' complaints that he should go careful because of TK. Yamato's argument that he was going well under the speed limit didn't seem to work, so very slowly and carefully they went home. _It may be annoying that I have to go so painfully slowly, but I'm happy TK's got someone who cares so much about him. Someone like Kari is to me…or should that be was like to me?_

When they returned they found the table set and Tai about to serve dinner.

"Hey! You're back, and dinner's ready"

"And you're awake, we've been trying to call you, and you're in a drunken stupor. Do you know what's happened today?" Yamato hadn't wanted to be hard on Tai, but he was still angry about how Tai's father had acted and wanted to take his frustrations out on someone, and Tai had the misfortune to be the best target.

"What happened?"

"I fell in the river" Yamato's anger was quickly broken by TK bursting into a fit of laughter.

"TK, it's not funny, you could have been hurt badly"

"But I didn't get hurt, and it is funny" Now both TK and Davis were laughing

"And…and when we ran away from those kids, that was so much fun"

"It wasn't fun, they were devil children" Yamato shook his head. _Trust TK, he could have got killed, and him and Davis are giggling like a pair of schoolgirls._

"Sorry Tai, I didn't mean to snap like that, bad day and everything"

"It's alright, I want to apologise too"

"Look, if it's about that kiss I should be the one to apologise"

"No it was wrong of me to have done it"

"Maybe, but I reacted badly, just running off like that. I don't know why I did that"

"Because you're girlfriends' brother tried to kiss you?"

"Tai, if this had been a few years ago, or I wasn't with Kari…"  
"No, don't, you'd only raise my hopes up"

"Sorry"

"Yeah, so am I"

"No I'm sorry-er"

"Well I'm sorry-ist"

"Yamato, Tai, what are you on about?"

"Did you two kiss?" Yamato looked at Tai, and nodded his head very slightly, the two moved with lightning speed and knocked Davis and TK off their chairs.

"Don't eavesdrop!"

"How can it be eavesdropping, you were sat next to us?"

"…Don't cheek your elders!" Tai and Yamato decided to carry on the conversation in another room, despite the fact they both knew TK and Davis would be listening at the door.

At this same time Kari was alone, after Yamato had stormed out her fathers response had been to ground her until the move and ban her from ever seeing Yamato or TK ever again. This was in addition to not letting her see Tai, or ever mention the Digital World, her father was determined that this move would not only enhance his career, but put an end to his daughters 'little obsession'.

Kari sat in her room, listening to a tape of Yamato's band; played at the loudest volume she could, deliberately ignoring her parent's demands to turn it off.

Kari felt betrayed, her fathers reaction to Tai had been almost more than she could stand, but she had held her tongue, but today, being told not only could she not stay with Yamato and Tai, but she could never see them again was the last straw. She always tried to act like the perfect daughter, but had attacked with a hail of words, words she had wanted to say for as long as she could remember. She had told her father that she hated him for how he had treated Tai, how much she had loved her adventures, how they had made her who she was. For her mother she told her to stop being so weak, and to stand up for herself, that if she approved of Kari and Yamato to fight for them. And she had told them both how much she loved Yamato, how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and how she would be with him, no, matter what. Nothing had seemed to work, eventually she left them for the relative sanctuary of her room, and now listening to words sung for her and thinking of the good times of the past she found herself thinking of what looked as though it might never be. With sadness in her heart she thought back to her childhood, she had always wanted a handsome prince to rescue her, in a world where true love conquered all. But here in her world of unfulfilled dreams, rescue seemed a distant dream, and it seemed like even true love was not strong enough to save her now.

Meanwhile, Tai and Yamato were also wondering about love, and the Kamiya's.

"I went to see your parents this morning"

"I bet that was fun"

"Yes, they made fish for me"

"Lovely, they know you hate it. But what about Kari?"

"…"

"Oh…is it because of me"

"No, don't even think that! The reason is that your father is a narrow-minded bigot"

"I've never heard him summed up so well"

"When I think of how I reacted to that kiss, then think of him…I guess I must have really hurt you, if you thought I was like him"

"We're okay now though, that's what's really important

"So, are you gay then?"

"I don't know, I think so"

"Especially because one guy called Yamato?"

"You are so full of yourself"

"Well can I help it if I'm so irresistible?"

"Just stop it"

"Fine, but you know you want me" _Man! What was I saying? That I wanted Tai and me to be together? No way, or perhaps yes way? I don't know I can't deny that I enjoyed that kiss, but even so, my best friend? _

"Matt…please don't we could never be together, it wouldn't be fair"

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted us to be _us_?"

"That's just it, I'd always be wanting some perfect love, that you would never be, and somewhere, some part of you would only be with me, because I'd be the next best thing to Kari"

"…"

"Matt, don't just say '…' talk to me, this is important"

"I can't talk, I just can't find the words to say, but I know what I can do. Just wait while I get my guitar"

"You're going to sing?"

"Yeah, it's one of the only things I can do any good"

"So what are you going to sing?"

"It's quite an old one, but it just seems right"

Yamato picked up his guitar, played a few practice chords and began to sing.

__

#I don't wanna lose you, but I don't wanna use you

Just to have somebody by my side

And I don't wanna hate you, and I don't wanna take you

But I don't wanna be the one to cry

And I don't really matter to anyone anymore

Like a fool I keep losing my place, and I keep seeing you walk through that door

There's a danger in loving somebody too much

And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough #

Afterwards Tai and Yamato sat in silence for a few moments; the only sound was a faint sobbing on the other side of the door and Davis trying to whisper to TK to be quiet.

"I always find singing's easier than talking. I've never been all that good with people"

"Do you know any songs to help with Kari?"

"I wish I did, but that's going to be far tougher"

"Well how about a song for stopping hangovers?"

"Sorry I can't do miracles" _Although I wish I could, with all my heart, I wish I could find something to help me out. In two more days Kari's going to be gone, maybe forever and I'm still powerless to do save her. I just can't seem to find a way, but I must do something, and soon._


	7. As My Light Begins To Fade

Part VII "As my Light Begins to Fade" 

Matt cursed the uncaring world in general as he got prepared, his band had another gig that night, Kari always came to his gigs, her and Tai would always be there right at the front, but tonight she would probably not be there. _She's grounded, and I can't get her, nor Tai, and after I let slip about TK he won't have a chance either. But it's my last gig before she goes there has to be some way I can get Kari out of her house, and to my gig._

Yamato asked Tai what they should do, the answer was predictably Tai.

"We storm the building, fight evil, steal beer and rescue Kari"

"Storm the building?"

"Yes it's the same plan I always used in the Digital World, but with the improvement of added beer stealing"

"…"

"Don't worry! When did I ever lead us wrong before?"

"…" _This is a very bad idea, I can tell. I know I'm going to regret this._

Tai and Yamato pulled up to their 'objective' as Tai kept referring to it. Tai seemed to be taking this either far too seriously, or not serious enough, Yamato could never tell which. _Of course I've always been like that with him, never quite sure that I've got him figured_. Tai had even brought along a pair of goggles 'for luck'. Yamato secretly thought that they'd need far more than luck, this was evident when they knocked at the door.

"You two are not welcome, now beat it before I call the police"

"Dad, we want to see Kari"

"Do not ever call me 'dad' again. And you are not seeing Kari"

"Mr. Kamiya, we want to spend as much time with Kari as we can before she goes"

"I have no desire to speak to thugs, nor have my daughter associate with them."

And that seemed to be it, they were turned away, and told never to return, they both sat in the car, plotting their next move, hoping for a lucky break. Just then fate rolled a double six and handed them a lifeline, Kari and her mother got into their car and set off. Yamato was briefly unsure of what to do, but he saw Kari beckoning him to follow them. 

Finally the car carrying Kari pulled in well out of site of her house; Kari jumped out and ran to Yamato's car, forcing Tai out of his front seat position.

"Kari! But how did you escape?"

"Mom, she said that we should be together for as long as we could, so we pretended we were going shopping all day"

"We've got to make the most of this time, what do you want to do?"

"First I want to go to our place, then I want to go to your gig"

"I can't think of a better day"

After dropping Tai off to help the band prepare Kari and Yamato went to 'their' place. It was a bridge overlooking the river, Yamato liked it here, and even without Kari it was a quiet place to be when he needed time to be alone. He had brought TK here once but his brother hadn't liked it. He'd said there was something about how fierce the river looked, and how it seemed to sweep everything away, Yamato hadn't understood, he thought that was the point, the way the river just swept everything away was why he liked it so much. The first time he had brought Kari had been during a particularly fierce storm, it always seemed to Yamato that what ever was happening was always even more intense here. Although anywhere else the storm, would have been little more than a downpour, here was transformed into a display of lightning and rain just for the two of them.

Now the place wouldn't have looked out of place on a Christmas card, trees covered in snow, and the river, although powerful still iced over in places. Yamato liked the winter this one, his first with Kari had given him so many happy memories, it seemed a cruel twist of fate that the first buds were appearing on the trees, showing spring was on it's way, just as Kari was leaving him too. He was glad that at the moment Kari seemed happy just staring out at the scene, holding his hand, he didn't think he could talk, the way he felt now, he'd probably cry, and there was no way he was going to do that.

Neither could tell how long they stayed there, but as the daylight began to fade Yamato realised they should be getting on if they wanted to make it to the gig on time.

"Ready to go?"

"I don't think I'll ever be ready"

"You know what I mean"

"Yes…but before we go I want you to make me a promise"

"A promise?"

"I want you to promise that you won't forget me"

"How can you even think that? I'd never do that!"

"Promise me"

Yamato looked up into the now dark night sky; there something caught his eye.

"Kari, do you see that star? It always stays in the same place in the sky, so wherever you are you can see it. So whenever you look at it, know that I'll be able to see it too. And I promise when I see it, I'll think of you"

"Thank you, that means so much to me"

As they kissed in the near darkness Yamato felt an almost unbearable sadness overtaking him, the feelings of him and Kari so close in stark contrast to the knowledge that this would be their last time at their place. 

"Kari, I want you to promise me something too"

"Anything"

"Before you go I'd like us to make love, if we never get the chance to be together again, I'd like to know that you were my first…"

"Me too, I want my first time to be with you"

Yamato stood on the stage, as the fans cheered, he sung better, with more passion than he had ever done before, every word, every note, every breath he ever took was for her. _But it always was why did it take me so long to realise it?_

Tradition dictated every gig was ended with Yamato dedicating the last song to Kari, it was always some soppy love song, he never liked them much, but Kari did so every time he would sing for her. But tonight was different, even though at this moment he felt so much more emotion than ever before; he couldn't find it in himself to sing a love song. Nothing cheerful no words of hope, he only had sad songs in his heart. He lent over and whispered to his band, and they started up a song for Kari, one that was sung with all the pain in his heart.

__

#How will I start tomorrow without you here? 

Whose heart will guide me when all the answers disappear?

Is it too late, are you too far gone to stay? 

Best friends forever should never have to go away 

What will I do? You know I'm only half without you. How will I make it through?

If only tears could bring you back to me, if only love could find a way

What I would do what I would give if you'd return to me someday, somehow, someway

If my tears could bring you back to me...#

As he wished Kari goodnight he knew that tomorrow would be their very last day together, but she assured him they would spend it together, and she would keep her promise. It was therefore with mixed emotions Yamato settled down to sleep.

As he fell into bed Yamato dreamt once again of Phantomon taking Kari away, just like the hundreds of times before he felt worthless, as nothing he could do was enough to save her, but as always he had to try, he'd promised her he would protect her. This time he and MetalGarurumon were confronted by Myotismon, holding Kari.

"You'll never save her in time" the evil Digimon laughed as he threw Kari from a building, Yamato raced to save her, but was blocked by another Digimon, WarGreymon.

Try as he might he could not get past Tai's Digimon. No matter what he tried Tai was stopping his every effort to save Kari. As she hit the ground he heard her call to him to save her, to do anything, to help her, but again he was powerless. A mocking voice called out to him, "Yamato, don't make promises you can't keep"

Even in his dream world the pain he felt from loosing her was close to unbearable and he could not seem to wake up. Close to panic he suddenly knew he had one way out

"MetalGarurumon, hit me with your strongest attack"

Yamato Ishida woke up in a cold sweat at the very instant his heart was frozen and then shattered by one of his best friends.


	8. Darkest (K)night

Part VIII "Darkest Night" 

The weather reflected Yamato's mood as he woke up that morning although the past few days had been brighter today the snow was back with a vengeance. The TV weather report was saying something about air fronts changing so today would be the very last day of winter. It seemed the winter knew this too and was going to go down fighting. Yamato had woken up early, after his dream he could not get back to sleep so he sat up alone watching the snow fall from the sky for the last time. _I wish I could do that, risk everything on one last desperate gambit. Although, thinking about our promise I guess I'm doing something similar. It's nice the weather is doing its best for the atmosphere._

The weatherman was now warning people that driving conditions were treacherous, and that people shouldn't make non-essential journeys. _I wonder if perhaps Kari won't be able to go, she's meant to be going late tonight, maybe if it keeps snowing…No that idiot father of hers would go whatever, no sense getting my hopes up._

TK was the next to wake up, he and Yamato decided to go out to a café that they used to visit for breakfast, it was also a convenient excuse to try to visit Kari, since it was not far from her house. The two brothers talked as they walked through the early morning snow.

"I can't believe she's going" TK had been oddly silent since he found out, Kari was still one of his best friends. _Then again he's always dealt with things by bottling them up, just like me I guess. Still he'll have Davis when Kari's gone what will I do?_

"Matt, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry I was just thinking"

"Ah, me bringing up Kari, right?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do"

"What ever happens, I'll always be here for you"

"Thanks, but it's not quite the same"

"Well there's always Tai"

"I know you were listening to us when we were having a private conversation, so you'll know that's not going to happen"

"Oh come on, you are so dense. He was only saying you two could never be because he thought that's what you wanted"

"Whatever" _What? No way, no chance there's now way Tai still likes me…Is there?_

The café was fairly empty and Yamato and TK were happily eating when Mrs. Kamiya walked in, she walked over to where the two were sitting, smiled, dropped a note on the table and left. Yamato looked totally baffled and stared at the letter not sure if he should open it. TK made his decision for him, ripping open the envelope and read out the contents.

"It says 'My house at five, lets keep a promise' what's all that about?"

"Just what it says, I get to keep a promise"

Yamato now had to wait for it to be time to see Kari; this was going to be a long day. By midday Yamato had eaten everything in the house in an effort to stave off thinking about Kari. By one o clock he had walked up and down the front room so often Tai was starting to lose patience, twenty minutes later it ran out.

"Davis, what time is it?"  
"Less than two minutes since you last asked"

"Oh, so how long is it now?"  
"Stop it! Look I know your excited and everything but it's beyond a joke"

"But Tai, it'll be the last time we're together"  
"So what are you so excited about?"

"I…I can't say"

"Then don't, we'll do something to pass the time"

"Like what?"

"We could play computer games, you like doing that"

"Can we play the wrestling game?"

"Yes, if you promise not to ask what the time is again"

"Well me and Davis are going, we hate the wrestling game"  
"Hold on, if TK doesn't join in, no deal"

"But, it's stupid, and Yamato sulks if he looses"

"TK, if you want him to keep on asking how long it is until five O clock…"  
"…I'm Hulk Hogan!"

Yamato was not sure what to expect when he reached Kari's house. _Would her parents be there, of course not if were going to…do it then they're probably going out. _Kari let him in, and as predicted her parents had gone out for a meal. _If it were me I'd have guessed Kari would do something like this, thank goodness for the fact they didn't._

"Matt, I'm not really sure what we're supposed to do, I've got wine though"

"Yes and I like the candles, their a nice touch"

"I read a lot of romance novels, I always thought my life would turn out like one"

"It will, someday"

"Maybe today, just for a little while our lives can be perfect"

__

It just happened, one minute we were talking, then we were in each others arms, I was holding her tightly hoping that if I did we would never have to part stupid perhaps, but it seemed to work. At that moment the whole world didn't matter there was just me Yamato Ishida, whose world was about to collapse around him, whose favourite response was '…' and Kari Kamiya, the most wonderful girl, no woman in my life. How it changed from holding her, and kissing her into our two bodies and souls becoming one I can't say, no words could do justice to the feeling of ecstasy as we kept our vow. This was the first time in my whole life I had ever been this close to anyone. As we lay there together we both knew that what ever happened from that moment of total happiness until the day we both died, we would have this one perfect memory. I could not care less when we heard the front door open, but Kari told me to go, the tears in her eyes as we said goodbye were too much for even me, and for the first time Kari made me cry. Leaving her was the hardest thing I could ever have done, every part of me wanted to say 'No' to take her with me and run away. To run from her father, from the uncaring world to a place where we could be together forever. Kari just smiled and told me that whenever I looked up at our star we would be together, and then I left climbing out of the window like a thief.

Yamato hid in the snow watching as everything was packed into the removal van, and then finally Kari and her parents got into their car and sped off into the night. Yamato prayed to whoever might be listening to watch over Kari, and then made his way back home, he never felt the cold, thinking only of Kari and their love, which now seemed like the snow, melting away gone forever. He had told Kari about this metaphor, but she had just said that spring followed, a time of rebirth and new life. _I don't want new life, I want Kari back, she was the light of my life and now…Now I'm just in the darkness all alone._

Yamato took a long time walking home, every step he took reminded him of things they had done together, and he took a detour to the convention centre, the place all his dreams had focused on recently. Kari, have I let you down again?

When he got home Tai was watching the TV, although Tai wanted to talk he didn't really feel like it, until he remembered Kari had told him to be there for her brother.

"They've gone then?"  
"Yeah"

"I wish I could have said goodbye"

"She knew how much you cared Tai."

"I know, how are you doing"

"I feel numb to honest"

"Do you want to do something"

"No, I'd rather be alone" _Might as well get used to it._

Yamato left Tai watching the TV news, apparently the bad driving conditions had caused several fatal road accidents along the main highway. Yamato felt sorry for Kari, the major tailbacks would mean longer in the car, and she had always got carsick. Yamato sat down, he felt the only thing to do was to try and write a song. It was something he always did when upset. He was just getting into it when he heard the phone ringing disrupting his creative flow. _Tai will be sat next to it waiting for me to answer it for him_

"Tai! Answer the damn phone would you"

Yamato turned his mind back to his song trying to find a good rhyme for the word change, but seemed to be getting nowhere, and decided to get himself a drink.

He saw the phone fall from Tai's hands, and didn't need to see his best friends tears to know that the brightest light he had even know had been extinguished forever.


	9. Yesterday Dreams

Part IX "Yesterday Dreams"

Yamato could hardly bring himself to speak, he knew from Tai's tears that something had gone wrong, and somehow he knew that Kari had gone. He didn't want to speak, he didn't want to think, he couldn't even find tears to cry so lost in he was too far lost in despair. His head spun, his mind trying to make sense of why Kari, the most wonderful soul he had even known had been taken from him and now there was no way he could ever see her again. The little fact of being at opposite ends of the country all though major was not insurmountable, just petrol consuming, but this, this was too much, nothing he could do could reach Kari where she had gone.

"Yamato…there…there was an accident"

"Tai…"

"Kari…she's…she's" He couldn't continue, but it didn't really matter, Yamato was not thinking straight anyway. When Kari had driven away just a few hours ago he had felt lost and alone but that was nothing compared to what he felt now, now. There was just a sense of nothingness his, mind was a total blank, and his heart had frozen over, he couldn't feel anything apart from a sense of cold, and an inescapable feeling of falling, falling into a pit of darkness without any light. _Of course there's no light, Kari was my only light and now, what am I without her? Nothing, that's what! It's just like me dream, I failed her and now I'm all alone again, I don't know what to do without her._

Yamato could hear words, Tai was saying something TK and Davis, who broke down in each other's arms, and Yamato could not help but envy the fact that TK had someone there for him. Once again was then overcome with a sense of guilt that he wasn't helping Tai, even after he had told Kari he'd be there if Tai ever needed him. _Just one more broken promise, just one more damn thing I failed at, I'm so sorry Kari, I just wish I was stronger, that way nothing could ever hurt us, but I'm not I'm just so weak and useless. I don't know what you ever saw in me anyway…_

Somehow the small part of Yamato that was not lost in darkness managed to move over to Tai and place what he hoped was a reassuring hand on his friends shoulder.

"Is that all we've got left Yamato? Some little gestures"

"What else can I do? Do you want me to open my heart and just break down?"

"It'd be a start, you've got to open up to your emotions or you'll go insane"

"Too late, I opened my heart, it just got broken"

"I know how that goes"

"But I don't mind, I think, no I know it was all worth it"

"I wish I could have that sort of happiness"

"You will someday I'm sure of it"

"But not with you though"

"No…not with me"

"Did you mean it when you said 'if this had been a few years ago'?"

"Yeah, but you're right, it wouldn't be fair, you deserve someone who can make you happy, someone who'll appreciate what a great guy you are"

"Thanks, it means a lot to me"

"But it can never be me, maybe it'd be good at first but someday it'd all go wrong, you'd want me to be someone I'm not, and I'd always be reminded of Kari. Look Tai, you've got to try and find someone else, and don't look back because I won't be there"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I can't move on, but you can, don't think you've lost the love of your life, I'm damn sure it isn't me"

"You're leaving aren't you?"  
"I have to"

"Yamato, please don't leave me too, I need you"

"No you don't, and nor does TK, he's got someone there for him, and you will have too, but not while I'm around"

"Don't go, look I'll beg you on my knees if that'll work, stay with me"

It'd never work, as the song says 'I don't want to lie awake at night with you and wonder why, looking at your hurting eyes and asking me if it's all a lie' we could never be anything more and we'd both end up hating each other for it. Goodbye Tai"

Yamato turned and left, he walked out on his best friend and his brother, all the feelings he had ever felt for either of them just seemed to be yesterday's dreams. Now he felt totally lost, what ever he would have to do he would do alone, he knew there was one place to go and headed onwards into the first night of spring as around him winter disappeared, along with ever dream he had ever dreamt of.

A cold rain melted the snows as the body of Yamato Ishida ran to the only place he had left. However his sprit and soul were already gone, they were waiting for him alongside his brightest light in place he'd seen in a dream but couldn't quite remember, all he could think of was ice.


	10. My Shattered Light

Part X "My Shattered Light"

The only place Yamato could think of was the river, it had always been there for him, when his parents split, when he was a confused young teenager, when he though he never had a chance with Kari. And now in his desperate state of mind it once again called to him. The river was higher than usual now, all the snow of the past few weeks had melted and flowed into it, causing it to roar dramatically as it washed away the winter. All the snow once so glorious and picturesque now gone, just so many gallons of water washed away in a thundering torrent, even the ice which had nearly taken TK, and then had gone one better and taken his Kari away now just part of the river, his river. _Even you turned against me in the end. You who said you'd never hurt me, well Kari I'm damn sure hurting now, and you my winter leaving me, everyone always leaves me in the end._

As he stood in the rain it struck him how Kari would have loved the scene as an ideal photo opportunity. Snapshots of things being washed away, snow, branches, a shopping trolley, and unfortunate duck. All of his precious hopes and dreams _Everything I'd ever wanted gone in a flash, just like the river maybe once those things meant something, maybe they still do, but no-one cares, they're just gone. Gone like Kari, gone like me without her what am I?_

Although he cried the rain was washing away his tears quicker than he could shed them. It made him think back to what seemed like a lifetime ago to the first night they had been together back then he had cried because he thought they could never be. Now things had come full circle, and he knew it to be true.

Now every thought, every memory of Kari came back to him, all their happy times all their dreams, now his dream of loosing her of failing to protect her came back to him, it seemed to Yamato in what was left of his shattered mind that it had come true. He had wanted to take Kari with him, to look after her but hadn't been able to, the sense of guilt was now overwhelming, as he shouted out to a cold starry sky and the whole uncaring world in general,

"It's all my fault, Kari I'm so sorry it's all my fault" tears overwhelmed him as he fell to his knees, but once again all his tears were just washed away, as though they were not anything important at all. And it seemed that to everyone except him it was true, Kari was gone, TK and Tai didn't need him anymore, and he was what he had thought he always wanted to be, alone. _All these feelings, so worthless, so insignificant to the world itself, just like my heart, everything I've ever felt means nothing._

The little part of his mind that was not lost to despair managed to call out to Kari, "I'm sorry for what I've done, and for what I'm going to do, but just know that I'll always love you, with my all heart" _Ha! What use is that, stupid worthless thing, if I'd never listened to you, if I'd never fallen in love…No I won't regret a single second of my time with you Kari, I'll never ever regret us._

As the star he had made his promise on shone down on him _'Whenever I see that star, I'll think of you'_ Yamato stared into the raging river as it washed away the last snows of Yamato's winter gone as though they had never even existed. And then he was holding Kari in his arms once again two souls that had become one, together, forever.


End file.
